where a woman can build her strength and freedom

Where can I find someone to love?

A photo of a coach tending to one of his young athletes. A person who serves others is capable of loving so also is someone to love.

If you read that as: someone to have sex with… No, that’s not what I mean.

There are a gazillion posts out there on how to do that. Tonight!

There are another gazillion on how to find someone to hook up with.

Use them awhile for sex without love, then move on to use the next one.

I have no intention of assisting you to take either path.

Either one can ruin you.

Ruin your potential for real love.

Besides, you already know the answer! Go to the bar.


Someone to love? That’s a totally different matter.

Is that what you want to do? Actually LOVE someone?

If it is, you’re in the right place here in the golden salon.

I would be happy to offer you some ideas on where to find someone to love.

Are you ready?

Let’s DO this!

Young love, first love

I was blessed to fall in love when I was fourteen. It was the making of me.

It happened just in time, before I took major losses.

The love this boy and I shared served to protect me from some of the impact

of those losses, and I will always be grateful for it.

We were in love for three years. It was a tender, innocent love.

Just kissing, holding hands, and sharing everything in our hearts.

We spent our summers at the same lake and wrote letters to each other all winter.

We planned to marry.

Though this did not happen, those three years allowed me to survive the next ten.

And even now, my tender first love experience continues to renew my innocence.

So I say: Genuine love early in life is an incredible gift.

You will always know the real thing! And how to rebuild it, if it gets lost.

They used to sing about this kind of love back in the 50’s.

It’s still the real kind.

Here is Sonny James in 1956 singing Young Love

So, what is real love?

As the song says, real love is filled with true devotion and shared with deep emotion.

The person you love is cherished.

But what does it mean to be in love?

Take the time to read my post What is love?

I explain that you aren’t in real love until you know who this person is

and you share their dream, and they share yours.

To love someone is to want them to have their dream

and to tenderly support their efforts to have it.

Thus if you are searching for a heart of gold, you must first become a heart of gold.

A heart of gold is giving and tender, and wants their beloved to have their deepest joy.

So how do I find this beloved person?

Someone who is trustworthy…

Who will cherish and protect me, not use me…

Someone who will guard my innocence?

You search for a person who is able to love.

You will know that they are able to love because they are already loving!

What!? you say If they are already loving, they won’t need me!!!

I don’t mean they are already in a relationship.

I mean they are already loving on other levels.

Look for a builder

A builder is a person who is loving on many levels.

He is already tenderly loving his mother, father, sisters and brothers.

A builder is already filled with deep devotion to others.

He is making a contribution in his community, in his school, in his work.

He is serving others.

His actions demonstrate that he is capable of loving.

And he may be searching, just like you are, for a person to cherish.

So: Where can I find such a person–a tender builder I can build with?

Here are some places you will find a heart of gold:

Coaching kids’ athletic teams

Coaching kids with special needs

Tutoring children in reading, math, music, art

Creating learning activities for children in a museum

Teaching Sunday School

Volunteering in

vaccine efforts/transportation

health clinic

community food bank

homeless shelter

pet shelter

fire department

first responder unit

disaster relief

wildlife protection

Contributing to any of this work takes a great deal of love and devotion.

Think about the builders in your own community. You can probably add to this list.

But who is for me?

Now ask yourself: Which area—which kind of builders–am I drawn to?

Of those on my list, whom do I most admire and respect?

Learn more about what the builders in that particular area do and why.

Find where they are located, and what community events they hold that you could go to.

Prepare some good questions you can ask when you get a chance to talk with someone.


“What do you love most about doing this work?”
“How did you get started in it?”
“Does it relate to something you want to do in the future?”

And have things in mind to say about why the work they love is meaningful to you.

Then put on a pretty dress and go to their community event.

Look around! Observe the guys in action, especially how they talk with people.

Notice those who are kind and who express themselves with loving words and actions.

If you see a nice guy you would like to talk with, go over, smile and say hello.

Then go ahead and ask one of your questions!

Be brave. Actually talk with him.

Listen to what he says, and respond with interest, in a thoughtful and genuine way.

Love doesn’t fall from the sky, honey! Love is BUILT!!!

Give the man a chance to show you he has a heart of gold.

And if you think he wants to ask you for your phone number but is too shy,

pull out a piece of paper, write it down, smile and hand it to him and say:

“Maybe we could talk some more some time over coffee.”

Yes, it takes guts to find someone to love.

But this man will be thrilled to have the chance.


What kind of man is your ideal? Who would you want to be your hero?

I would love to know.

Write me!

Dr. Hall