where a woman can build her strength and freedom

How to say NO to the hard sell

The hard sell can be hard to resist as we see in this photo showing hundreds of gold lanterns lighting up the dark.

We all know the feeling when someone starts giving us the hard sell.
Our parent, teacher, partner, friend, physician has decided what’s best for us.
And now they are hell bent on getting us to do it.

Maybe it’s someone giving us the hard sell on a career we don’t want.
Maybe it’s someone giving us the hard sell on a partner we don’t want.
Maybe it’s someone giving us the hard sell on a medical procedure we don’t want.

Most people have a tough time saying NO when pressured,
especially when the hard sell is coming from an authority figure.
Most of us have caved, one time or another, to such pressure
and lived to regret it.
We may have wasted years of our lives because we couldn’t say NO.

Are you determined to never again cave to ANYONE giving you the hard sell?
You don’t have to cave.
You have the power and the brains
to not play helpless with anyone.

Can you imagine how proud and free you will feel
once you have demonstrated that no one has power
over the decisions in your life?
Yes, you can.
You can imagine it.

And when you establish your autonomy and independence as a fact
you are going to light up like a torch in the night!
So let’s DO this.

I will teach you how to say NO to the hard sell in 3 steps.

Step One Take their power away
Step Two Do not debate
Step Three End the discussion

Step One

Take their power away
This is the key.
The ONLY power they have over you
is the power you are willing to give them!

Be unwilling.
Demote their authority over you.
Say to yourself:
I am the person holding the power in this decision,
not you (Mom, Janie, Dr. Johnson.)”

Stay calm, pleasant and respectful.
This shows them they don’t even have the power
to make you mad. 🙂

Step Two

Do not debate
After you state “I’ve made my decision, and No, I’m not doing it,”
the person doing the hard sell will demand to know WHY?

You may feel compelled to reason with this person.
Ah, but this is exactly what they want!
They want to FIND OUT your objections.
So they can understand you?
So they can GOAD you into a debate.

But you cannot win a debate with a hard seller.
ALL they want to know is what your objections are.
To succeed in their hard sell
they must find out what they are
so they can demolish them.

Therefore, do not tell them your objections.

Step Three

End the discussion
After you have heard enough of their futile efforts to control you
by hard selling you on something you do not want,
bring things to a close.
Demonstrate you are on your own schedule, not theirs.

Conclude with a statement that is very difficult to counter.
Something nearly impossible to respond to.

Such as:
“Well, I have my way of looking at it
and you have yours.
Let’s just leave it at that.”
Said with finality.
Be serene.

If they pursue it further, and ask:
“What IS your way of looking at it?”
just say “I’m not interested in (this career, this partner, this procedure)
but I appreciate you offering it to me.”

If they continue to push, just smile, say nothing,
and look over at the door.

If they just won’t quit, stand up, smiling,
hug or shake hands,
thank them for their time and their thoughts,
and head out the door.

Stay pleasant, respectful, and immovable
and you will do great.

Dr. Hall

PS The person putting the hard sell on you
totally believes they know you better than you know yourself!
Spoiler alert: They don’t.
But to understand why you must stay positive and forgive
this well meaning but controlling person
please see my previous post:
How do we deal constructively with a difficult person?